Flashback
by PeetasAndHerondales
Summary: When Peeta loses sense of who he is, Katniss leaves him. Modern-day AU. Round 5 of Prompts in Panem-Written for the day 6 prompt "Hazel"-Reconciliation


"If you don't want me, somebody else will."

That was the last thing Peeta Mellark heard his wife say before she left the house and slammed the door shut behind her. Peeta was left with his mouth gaping, feeling nauseated at the fact that she had finally left him. _If you don't want me, somebody else will. _Her words had been spat out with venom, and they played over and over in his head until it was throbbing with pain. He wanted to scream, to punch a hole in the wall, to throw items across the room so that he could break them, but instead he just stood there numb. He knew he deserved it. And he knew that she had warned him, but he hadn't listened. He should have listened. He should have loved her and held her when she begged to be in his arms, but now she was running into somebody else's, and he was alone. So this was it. This was the day that he would lose Katniss to Gale Hawthorne.

This is what it felt like to be unloved again.

_Before_

Her gray eyes were defiant and her heart was broken. Ever since the car accident, he refused to touch her. He had lost a leg and half of his sanity for a while, and it took them months to grow back together after his rehabilitation. He didn't even remember who she was for the longest time. Katniss knew that his mind would never be in the same state as before, and that he would always have flashbacks. But when she had night terrors, she was used to him comforting her with his arms. She had taken his lips for granted until she no longer had them, and one night she noticed that they had started sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, not facing each other, not touching. Nothing. Even when she tried to comfort him, he would stiffen as if afraid that he would have another flashback. She knew that marriage would be difficult, but she never imagined that she would end up feeling so neglected.

"Peeta, _please _look at me, or say something!" She screamed at him in the car, as they waited on a red light. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, and they were supposedly going out, but she regretted having left the house at this point.

"What do you want me to say, Katniss?" Peeta replied calmly. His voice was soft, but his blue eyes were storming with something unseen, and his hands were clutching the steering wheel. He was fighting a flashback. He couldn't drive like this.

"I know you're on the verge of having a flashback. Pull over." The last thing they needed was another car accident.

He did just as she had told him to, and as soon as he stopped the car, she opened her car door and switched sides with him so that she was the one behind the wheel. "We're going back home," she said as she turned the car around.

_After_

"I thought you didn't drink," Haymitch remarked when he saw Peeta sit down beside him on a barstool.

"I do now." Peeta asked the bartender for a drink before facing his godfather. "Katniss left me."

"Gee, I wonder why," Haymitch snorted before taking a sip of his vodka. "Do you know how many times that woman has come crying to me at my house? She almost drank all of my liquor. It seems that you're both blooming alcoholics."

"Thanks," Peeta said sarcastically.

"Look, kid, I don't mean to offend you, but you really do need to get your shit together. You both do. When you started dating, I remember telling Katniss that she could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve you, but I was wrong. You deserve each other. But right now, that may not be a good thing….heck, from the looks of it, it could be the opposite."

"You said _WHAT _to her?" Peeta snapped.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It was a dick move, and I apologized for that on your wedding day. I care about both of you, and that's why I'm telling you this now. You need to fix this. You need to prove to her that you really do deserve to be together, that you can be good for each other."

Haymitch put down the tab and patted Peeta's back. "Drinks are on me, but I'm leaving, and you should be too. Go after her. Tell her how much you love her and all of that sappy crap. Save your marriage. But whatever you do, don't be like me. There can only be one crazy town drunk here, and that title has already been taken by me."

Not long after Haymitch had left the bar, Peeta ran outside. Rain was pouring down hard, and he got into his truck as fast as he could and started warming up the engine. He had to find her. He grabbed his phone and decided to call Prim, Katniss's younger sister. He knew that it was futile to try to contact his wife, since he had already tried numerous times and she had ignored all of his calls and texts.

"Hello?" Prim answered tentatively.

"Prim? It's Peeta."

"Yeah, I know…"

"Please, I need to find Katniss. Have you seen her? You must know where she is."

"Peeta, I'm sorry, but you need to give her space."

"What do you mean? Prim, please, I know she's hurt, but I need to talk to her."

"Peeta, have you been drinking?"

"Damn it, Prim, that's not the point!"

"Goodbye, Peeta."

She hung up on him, and Peeta cursed as he tossed down his cell on the passenger seat and drove away from the bar.

He was driving full-speed down the highway, even though he knew better. But he couldn't stop; he had to find her. The rain was pouring down even harder, and he slammed his hands impatiently on the dashboard as he tried to find a clear view of the road. It was useless. Peeta couldn't concentrate, and tears began streaming down his face as he thought about Katniss and how he had ruined everything. He was fucking up even more by acting this way, but the more he thought about it, the more he swore and wished that he had died in that first car accident. And when he saw the large headlights of a semi-truck flashing towards him, he saw his chance.

_Before_

"Katniss, what you and Peeta must understand is that you need people, and that people need _you,_" Madge said empathetically over coffee one day.

"Tell that to my husband," Katniss scoffed from across the table.

"Yeah, I don't think you're being very helpful," Johanna agreed.

"Well, you know what I mean. They both need each other. I don't know how else to say it."

"Madge, I have done _everything I can _to try to save my marriage, but I'm tired of being rejected by my own husband because he's too insecure to realize I still love him. He keeps turning away from me because he's afraid of hurting me, and yet he's making it worse by doing that. I just need some time to figure this out on my own." Katniss sighed and rubbed her temples in exhaustion.

"He's going to think you left him for Gale," Johanna pointed out. "You know how Gale was always after you in college, even though you were with Peeta. He was always insecure about that."

"I don't care what he thinks at this point," Katniss snapped.

"Katniss, you know that's not true," Madge said gently. "You love him and he loves you. Unconditionally. You just need to talk it over. Have you thought about couples' counseling?"

"No...I'm not even sure Peeta would cooperate. I just need some time away from him." Katniss stood up as she prepared to leave. "I'll see you guys later. I need to pack my stuff so I can move in with Prim until I figure out what to do next."

And with that, she was gone.

_After_

Peeta turned the wheel just in time as he heard the semi-truck's horn blare in his ears. _What the hell had he been thinking? _He couldn't just use suicide as an escape. It wouldn't fix anything. He needed to get his life together. He needed his wife back. How could he have fallen so low? He had vowed to live for her and love her no matter what, and yet here he was. Perhaps it was time to find himself again, to forgive. He knew he had the strength to find the right path again.

He turned his car around.

….

Katniss paced back and forth, as she listened to Prim talk on the phone with Peeta. "He better not come here," Katniss muttered as soon as Prim hung up the phone.

"Don't worry, I didn't say anything to him," her sister reassured her.

"I know, but he'll know. He probably already suspected that I was here, with you. And I don't want to see him, especially if he's been drinking. Damn it, what was he thinking? That man can't hold his liquor!" Katniss threw her hands up in exasperation.

They both froze as they heard a knock on the door. "Shit, it's him!" Katniss hissed as she ran into the other room to hide while Prim stood up to answer it.

It wasn't Peeta, though. It was Gale. "Hey, Gale, what brings you here?" Prim said amicably. "Rory won't be home from work until five, if you came to see him."

"Hey, Prim. Actually, I'm not here to see my little brother. I'm here to see Katniss. I know she's here." Gale stepped into the house as Prim allowed him inside with a confused expression on her face.

"Katniss!" he called out as she emerged from the other room.

"Gale?" she asked.

"I'm sorry for coming in like this. I heard what happened with Peeta. I'm really sorry, Katniss, I'm here if you need me," he said breathlessly.

Katniss frowned. "I'm not divorcing him, Gale. It's not like that. You know that, right?"

"Ahem, I'll be in the kitchen in case you guys need me," Prim excused herself.

"Katniss…" Gale began as he reached out for her.

"No, listen to me. My husband and I are going through a lot right now, but just because I don't want to see him doesn't mean it's fine for me to see you. I know you love me, Gale, and you know how I feel about you. But we're not playing this game again. You know I chose I him, even if it's hard for me to admit that right now." She turned away as she angrily wiped her tears away.

"I know, and I respect that." Gale sighed and sat down on the living room armchair as Katniss continued to pace back and forth across the room. "I only came here to provide emotional support," he said gently.

"I didn't even realize I still wanted to be with him until now." She burst into tears at that moment, and Gale stood and held her tightly, muffling her pained, heaving sobs against his chest.

They stood like that for a while, until Katniss' cries turned into hiccups, and Prim came back with a tray of cookies and coffee. But as soon as Katniss picked up a cookie, she started crying again. "P-Peeta made these," she sobbed into Gale's shoulder as he rubbed her arm. Prim gave him an apologetic look.

There was a loud, frantic knock on the door in that moment, and Prim stood up quickly to answer it. She gasped, "Peeta…"

_Before_

They were only kids when they fell in love, and one would think that such memories could never be forgotten. Katniss had always assumed that Peeta would remember their story. But she was wrong. He used to know everything, cherish every memory. He was released from the hospital with the assurance that they would come back to him eventually. But now, as she looked out the train's window with her recovering husband sitting by her side, she felt like she was traveling with a stranger.

"Our first time was in a train." He said it so softly, so quietly, that she almost missed it. "Real or not real?"

She turned to him and smiled sadly. "Real. We were sixteen. It hurt like hell."

He chuckled. "You _would _say it like that."

"It's the truth. What else do you remember?"

He took her hand hesitantly, and she squeezed his in return. "We made love." And when his blue eyes met hers, he was almost himself.

"Real," she whispered as she gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

"Tell me how I fell in love with you again," he requested.

"When we were five?" she asked.

"Yes. I must have loved you a lot. I don't want to forget."

"Oh, Peeta…you did."

_After_

"What is this?" was the first thing that came out of her husband's mouth as soon as he saw her with Gale.

"Peeta." Katniss stood up instantly.

"So I was right," he said sadly. "You _did _say someone else would want you. And here he is," Peeta nodded towards Gale.

"Peeta, it's not like that," Katniss began to explain.

"Then what is it?" His voice wasn't angry, but hollow, and somehow that was worse. "I know I had it coming. I deserve it. Goodbye, Katniss. I hope he makes you happier than I ever did." She knew he couldn't possibly mean it.

Peeta turned to walk back out the door, shutting it softly but firmly behind him. Katniss was left there standing in shock, unmoving. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to go after him, but she was afraid of going back to what they were before. Gale was saying something to her, but his voice didn't register in her ears.

It wasn't until Prim started shaking her shoulders and saying something directly to her face that she began to listen. "Go! Katniss, what are you doing here? Run! Go after him!"

Before she knew it, Katniss was running out the door and getting into her car. She was going back home. She was going home to _Peeta._

_Before_

"Never let me go," she chanted over and over, praying and crying as she held him in her arms after his first flashback. He was shaking and mumbling something incomprehensible. Peeta had tried to strangle her, but she had brought him back with a kiss. "Please, don't leave me. Stay with me. Don't let it take you from me."

"I'm not well enough to be with you, Katniss," he sobbed.

"Yes you are. You are enough. You will always be enough, right here, right now," she argued stubbornly through clenched teeth.

"I don't remember who I am anymore," he countered.

"I'll remind you," she promised.

"What if I try to attack you again? What if I hurt you?"

"I'm strong enough to defend myself, Peeta. And you're strong enough to come back to yourself. We're strong enough to overcome this."

"Together?"

"Together."

_After_

He didn't expect her to come back, but she did. He was surprised. At first he figured she simply came to retrieve her belongings, not caring that this was the worst time to do it. It would not be unlike Katniss to do so. But as soon as she turned the lock and he saw look on her face, he knew.

"You're back," he whispered.

She answered him with a kiss. They hadn't kissed in so long; he had almost forgotten the taste of her lips. Right now she tasted like tears, and sorrow, and love.

"I'm so sorry."

"I love you so much."

"I'm never leaving you again."

"I don't care as long as you come back."

"I don't want to be with anyone else. Just you."

"If that's what you want."

"That's what I want."

"I'm sorry I neglected you for so long. I don't want you to feel that way anymore. For the rest of my life, I want to make you feel wanted," Peeta vowed as he held her face in his hands.

"Then don't say anything, just want me. Feel me. Love me. You have all of me."

She didn't have to tell him twice. He carried her up to their bedroom, cradling her in his strong arms as she inhaled his shirt. The scent of cinnamon and dill that were so inherently him assured her that she was home. He laid her down on the bed gently, as if she would break. As if he could lose her at any instance.

"Peeta," she breathed against his lips as he kissed her. "Stay with me."

"Always." And then he descended upon her, and his hands and lips and body were all over her. He cupped her breasts firmly, massaging them confidently, the way only he could do, with the experience of so many nights memorizing and worshipping her body. His mind may not always remember everything, but his body always came back to her. He was made for her.

She could feel more than hear the breathy gasps and open-mouthed kisses he trailed down her body each time he revealed another inch of her skin. It was second-nature for his fingers to unclasp her bra and pinch the tips of her mounds, hardening the dusky nipples even more. His tongue always followed the path that his hands had explored, and she sighed against the pillow as his warm, moist tongue made contact with her peaks, his mouth enveloping one breast while his hand prepared the other. They fit so perfectly in his callused yet incredibly tender hands.

He suckled on nearly every inch of her skin as he undressed her slowly, until she grew impatient and pulled his face down to her center. His fingers fisted the last scrap of clothing she was wearing so that she was completely bare before him. He was now exactly where she wanted him. His sweet mouth thrust in between her legs, his strong hands held her hips down as her back arched, the tips of her breasts pointing straight up at the ceiling. Peeta couldn't help but to take them in his hands, making her body pliable as his skilled tongue worked in tandem to push her to the brink.

He had missed the heady, tangy taste of her arousal that he was hopelessly addicted to. He licked up and down her folds until she was squirming with impatience, finally taking the tiny bud of nerves into his mouth. He teased it with his tongue and sucked it with his lips, a scream of pleasure erupting from her as his teeth grazed it slightly. It wasn't until he had satisfied her twice with his mouth that he let her take over.

She flipped them over and ripped off his clothing with the same indulgence that he had carefully removed hers with. Katniss kissed him passionately, her tongue thrusting into his mouth so that she could taste herself in him, branding him as hers. She suckled his bottom lip, kissed him tenderly, and then pecked kisses all over his face and down his body. She released Peeta's cock from its constraints, and without missing a beat, engulfed him into her mouth. He trembled beneath her, moaning in between heaving, rapid breaths. She exhaled so that she could take him in deeper. Peeta pulled her hair slightly when the head of his cock hit the back of her throat. Moaning, Katniss released him with a soft pop and then smiled playfully at him as she fisted him inside of her hand and began stroking him steadily. His blue eyes were so dilated that they were almost completely dark as her tongue flicked lightly at the ridge of his tip. When he warned her that he was getting close, she mounted him, and they both hissed when he was finally all the way inside her.

Katniss rode him expertly, her body remembering the movements of their coupling, her hips swiveling into figure-eights, then up and down until she bent down to kiss him and he was the one thrusting upwards. His hands grasped her thighs as he sped up at her request. The only sounds in the room were the slapping of skin against skin and their breathy gasps and moans and wet, sloppy kisses. The raw, open desire of it all brought them to climax, first her, and then finally him as she told him to let go. He cried out as she screamed his name until they were both panting breathlessly "IloveyouIoveyouIloveyou," into the darkness of their bedroom.

They both felt like as if they had shattered the world around them as Katniss collapsed into his chest, and Peeta closed his eyes as he treasured the sacredness of this moment, the moment when he felt closer than ever to her. He wanted to freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever. Peeta tucked Katniss's long, damp tendrils of hair away from her forehead as she hummed them to sleep.

They knew that everything wouldn't be fixed overnight. It would take therapy sessions. It would take a lot of work. But they had done this before. And as long as they had hope, they had nothing to fear.

_**A/N- **__Thank you so much for reading! I would like to thank Jessa/peetaspenis/misshoneywell for hosting another amazing round of Prompts in Panem. I almost didn't make it! As always, thanks to the lovely Court81981 for betaing this story; she does a lot for me. And to all of the other authors who participated. They inspire me. And all the wonderful readers and reviewers encourage us to keep going. _


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